Lately....

Lately, I have felt like all I do is whine, grumble & complain.
Lately the discomforts of pregnancy have blinded me to the blessings I have been given. Lately, I feel so ungrateful. I am constantly angry, and resentful at work and not much better at home. I am forgetting the fact that looking to the future costs you the magic of NOW. I have been repeating the same phrase over & over again " I can't wait till March" Yes It'll be wonderful once I'm finally on Maternity leave but always concentrating on that has made me almost wish away a third of my pregnancy. I haven't been having the honeymoon period that people usually have in the 2nd trimester but that doesn't cancel the fact that my creator has entrusted me with such a beautiful life within. I wish that I remember to pray more often when I get in my mad moods coz once I do I usually feel lifted rather than being left to wallow.
I am excited about the next stage of my life ..Motherhood but I guess I have to learn to finish up this stage well too.

Please remind me to be thankful if you ever hear me being unthankful especially about my Job.

What is keeping me up at night?

Lately I haven't been sleeping well. Now that's an understatement! If it isn't my bladder making me wake up at least 2ce a night, it is the vivid dreams I've been having lately. But right now I'm having insomnia because I'm feeling worried about things and my mind won't turn off. Thoughts that passed through my mind in the past hour includes:

• The Christmas event I'm in charge of for the Students at our church. It is in 3 weeks and I'm quite nervous about whether it'll be a success.
• I'm worried about whether DH & I will be able to save enough before Lil bean arrives.
• Will our marriage evolve into something ugly because I've been so hormonal lately?

So many reasons to worry but I have to remember that God says not to worry about tomorrow. That's in Matthew 6 v 25.

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?"

It is actually one of my favorite verses. I have to trust that the one who knows the end from the beginning. He'll bring us through.

Whilst you were pregnant, Did you have any techniques to deal with sleep issues? Please share! 

Letter to my Lil Bean at 15weeks

Dear baby,

Image from Kiddlins.com

Today mummy found out that you can hear me singing now. Which is great as I've been singing to you for weeks now but now you can actually listen! This past week, I have felt flutterings which I dismissed as gas but your daddy wanted to think of it as you finally making your presence known. However on Friday, whilst I was on the sofa with a hotwater bottle on my back (it really hurts these days) I sneezed quite hard and I felt 4 definate prods! That's the only way I can describe them. prods from within. I was excited but still unsure, I'm hoping you'll give me a sure enough way to know it is definately you. I'm sure I'll eat my words when you start keeping me awake with your kicking!

This weekend, We visited Grandma Bas it was her birthday and she was so glad to see your latest ultrasound and relished spending time on the babiesrus website ogling the Cot she wants to buy you. Don't worry mummy picked it out. We also visited Nana K, She spent her Boots employee extra discount day on you. You have TONS of babywipes & bath stuff. She didn't buy too much disposables coz she knew we wanted to cloth diaper. She also loved the travel system I picked out for you, which she wants to buy for you too. You are one lucky baby you know, both grandmas love you so much already. You are their first grandchild so I bet you will be so fussed over.

Today marks exactly a month till we find out your gender, That is if you uncross your legs this time!

Love you lots and lots,

Mummy

x

Work & Pregnancy



Lil bean at 13weeks



Finally the fog has cleared. By the fog, I mean Morning Sickness. This baby certainly put me through the wringer! I had never felt so awful in my entire life. Sure the time in the 8th grade when I had a peculiar virus that had the doctors scratching their head comes close or the numerous number of times I had Malaria whilst growing up or even last christmas when I was stuck with swine flu. They all come close but they don't even reach where I was at those last 3 months. I say this because I felt so awful yet there was no relief. no pills to pop. Nada.

I was dealing with 24hrs of rotten whilst trying to make a great impression on my new boss & colleagues. I got sick of my own fake smiles before I let it slip that I was with child.

"Are you ok Lucy?"
"Sure, I'm fine *insert smile here* "
"You don't look so good"
"Well I'm just tired is all"

LIAR!! Well I wasn't lying fully. I was tired. Exhausted even.
So it continued until the friday after I saw my lil bean for the first time. I thought to myself, It is time to say something. I was tired of using up my holidays for midwife appointments and also in the UK, until you let your employer know you are pregnant, you can't activate your antenatal rights. Sod that, I want my rights. So I emailed my boss. No reply for 3 days. I was pooing myself! But then it turns out that she couldn't have been any more nicer about it. That was a load off my mind.

I am so tired most days, it is a struggle but my A-Type personality wasn't letting me slow down until that fateful wednesday that sent me to A&E! I had been rushing of here there and everywhere when I felt nervy pains all over my belly. I thought they were stretching pains and then it shot up my left arm.

Being a Doctor's daughter made me stop and think. That's a sign no one should ignore. I rang the midwife who said that I needed to get checked out. Well Duh! She said to go down to A&E (Accident & Emergency) I was so scared because I remember my midwife telling me my blood pressure was raised. When I got to the hospital, my blood pressure was actually fine, it was my heart rate that was ridiculous. 135bpm! But I think it was in addition to the anxiety I was feeling.

In the end they told me I needed to slow down and take it easy. I had to stay in bed for a day and my doctor would check it again. When he did it had come down to 100bpm (still high) but by the 3rd day, It was just within the normal range for pregnant women ( between 60-80) I was at 80bpm.

That experience taught me a lesson and a half. Now I ask for help carrying things or if I'm feeling overwhelmed and I walk at a slower pace instead of power walking everywhere.

Now that I'm in my 2nd trimester, I have learned so much but still have so much to learn. These days I just go with the flow. I cry almost everyday because I'm PMSing x10000. My emotions are everywhere. Sometimes I don't know why I'm crying but most times it is coz I feel like people treat me like I'm negligible. For example, Barging past me and not caring that my belly has special cargo. Usually That wouldn't move me to tears but these days, it doesn't take much.

If I'm honest working whilst pregnant is taking its toll on me but I am lucky that I have my DH to cry on the phone to. He makes it all better. I am counting down the days till my maternity leave. That helps when I feel like throwing the towel in. I'm only 25 weeks away from seeing my little bean. Not long at all considering how much We wanted him/her. I've wanted to be a mum since I got Matilda at my 4th birthday(My first black doll) so 25 weeks seems like a blink to me. Let's see if I still feel that way when I'm 39 weeks and ready to pop!