Sunday, 20 February 2011

The sort of Mum I want to be.



Hello Folks,
Sorry for the hiatus! The third Trimester is kicking my butt big time! However, I am still enjoying being pregnant with lil' bean.  Goodnews is that my blood pressure has returned to normal. All it took was 5 days of bed rest and to maintain that normal range, I'm trying not to stress out about work. However, My Lil' bean still measures 4 weeks bigger but he seems perfectly happy and I'm not diabetic so I say leave him be. I am anaemic but my GP has hooked me up with some pregaday ( Iron Supplements) and I've been given a date to see the Obstetric Physiotherapist for the Pelvic Girdle Pain that I've been experiencing so I have found solutions to all that was freaking me out on my previous post. Thank you to all who emailed in with well wishes really appreciate it!

Now onto the topic I intended to write about.
What sort of mum do I want to be? This is not simply about the stay at home versus working mummy debate although it does play a major part. I want to be the kind of mum who understands her son and takes pride in letting him be who he is. I want to mould his character so he becomes an amazing stand up guy just like his daddy. I want to nurture him, love him unconditionally. I want to do things with him. Plant vegetables in the garden, explore our woodlands and take walks on the beach. I want to teach him to pray, quote Shakespeare and write his name. I want to make him sure that it is okay for boys to cry and hug him when he does. I want to be at every school play, clapping the loudest. I want to bake him my famous cupcakes and give him my recipe. That is the sort of mummy I want to be. All of that.
After some serious thought, as in way back when lil' bean was just a desire in my heart, I have been wrestling with the question of career vs motherhood. It made me at one point tell my husband I wasn't ready for children because the thought of what motherhood will do to my yet to bloom career was just to scary to even contemplate. Then I thought of the sort of mum I wanted to be and suddenly it wasn't so daunting anymore. The yearning I had to become a mother completely outweighed any fear of 'loss'. So here I am 10 months after I graduated from University, 10 weeks away from welcoming my son into the world, and I finally have laid to rest any questions I had concerning the aforementioned debate.

I'm going to be there for my son. I will be a Stay at Home mum for the foreseeable future. I'm going to take care of my home and family. Does that surprise you? Really? I will ofcourse make us additional income whilst at home, I have some ideas in the pipeline but for now all I really need to know is this: Home is where my heart is. This will shock a lot of people especially my mum. But you know what? Everyone's path is different and I don't lose any IQ points because of my choice.

So with 2 weeks off work then 3 weeks left at work, my future career change is imminent and boy am I excited! I'm excited because I am one step closer to becoming the mummy I want to be.

Thursday, 10 February 2011

28 weeks...I'm in Shock.

Well, I had my 28 week appt yesterday where I had to do the GTT test among other bloods, that went well (dont know results yet) considering how worried I was as the last one was *just* normal. However, the student midwife takes my blood pressure and says to my midwife, I don't think I'm right could you check this? the midwife does and says I actually make it higher than what you got ( of course it is higher you just freaked me out!) so I end up with the highest reading I've ever had in my life. and now she wants to do weekly checks. Shock 1.
Thankfully, urine was fine!
We move over to couch to listen to lil bean's heart & measure me. To me the heartbeat sounded slower but she say as they grow bigger it slows so it is normal.
Then she measures my belly and says I measure 32Weeks!!!!thats 4 weeks bigger, a whole month. Shock 2.
As a first time mum2b, I just felt my world spinning coz Its like my birth centre waterbirth ain't gonna happen if he keeps growing like that as they'll need to induce before due date. I kept seeing images of a caesarean section.
I then had to go into London for a work meeting straight after that and contend with the London underground. Got back home at 8pm and went to bed but I just couldn't sleep, my hips, back, thighs & under bump ligaments kept hurting like they did all day.
Now, I'm just playing a waiting game to see what my midwife thinks should happen next. she talked about a growth scan in 3 weeks. I'm trying to let go and let God deal with this but I'm afraid I don't think I'm winning this battle of my mind. I've decided to make a list of Bible Verses that I can think on anytime I get bad thoughts.
Has anyone experienced this and what advice do you have for me?

Thursday, 3 February 2011

Hello Third Trimester...I get to meet you in 12 weeks (approx)

27 Weeks

Hey Lil' bean,

Although you should really be called big bean now!You've grown so much! When mummy feels you kick, it is a lot more defined & stronger, I can actually feel limbs. I can see my belly move when you move in there, I have tried to capture it on film but you always stop just when I press record. I'm hoping I'll be able to capture it so you can see it one day. The pregnancy is going by really fast and sometimes I feel like all the special moments will pass by without me capturing it. New this week is swelling in both my hands & feet. I ended up removing my wedding ring today.
Well 12 weeks till I meet you little man! I can't wait.
Lots of Love,
Mummy
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