|Lil Bean's Test|
Well, We were a bit careless on Valentine's Day, actually it was more of a "Screw Contraception" moment (Pardon the pun) but anyways I started to worry when my iperiod app said I was 1 day late. Then it was 2, then 3. We are currently 7 days late. By late day 2, I started to symptom seek. I was experiencing some Nursing Aversion, I was tired and on late day 5 my back was aching. I was driving myself crazy so yesterday I peed on a stick and surprise surprise it was NEGATIVE.
Meanwhile before I POAS, I had this moment where I was nursing Ethan in bed, I'm sure the Oxytocin was flowing because I started to rub my belly (imagining I was actually pregnant) and it was so beautiful, I wanted to cry.
During the whole Am I/ Am I not fiasco, DH was really hoping we were pregnant. It is safe to assume that he is more broody than I am. I think part of the issue is that Ethan is growing up too quickly and in the last couple of days we have seen/cuddled 3 new babies and We want a new baby in our lives again.
I'm not even sure if I am actually late because I've only had 1 postpartum period and i'm not sure it was a period, eventhough it felt like one. The reason being that there is a possibility that the bleeding I experienced over 5 days last month could be a side effect of Citalopram.
Personally, I hate not knowing what my body is doing. I'm going to keep charting so that I know if i'm ovulating or not.
When I realised the test was negative, I was disappointed, I'm not gonna lie but I was also relieved because My bubba is still little even though it seems he is growing up so quickly and I don't want to short change him. There is a possibility that my milk might dry up during pregnancy and E needs his milk. I wouldn't want to take it away from him. There is also the issue of my c-sec scar. I read that the longer between pregnancies, the lower the risk of uterine rupture. I also want to be fitter for my VBAC. Finally, I know i'm feeling better in myself but I want to recover fully from PND. I certainly would prefer to be off medication before we get pregnant. I'm aware that most babies aren't as planned as Ethan was that certainly applies more to subsequent children. However, I would like some control over when it happens.
So there we are, Number 2 is on our minds but Lil Bean is in our arms.