Nearly four years after I decided to cut contact with my dad, today was his chance to change my mind. But he hasn't. He wanted to meet and my gut was saying not to but I agreed as long as Ethan wasn't there & it was in a neutral place.
After a rearrangement back in January, today was the day. As we parked up in the restaurant's car park I had a call to say he hasn't left & it'll be an hour before he turns up.
This just proved that I had made the right choice all those years ago.
To him, I don't matter. My time, my opinions, my voice just doesn't matter to him.
It never has.
His words are different to his actions. As it happens actions speak louder than words.
The thing is back at university, I grieved the loss of the parents I would never have. So today it was almost like I closed that chapter.
I am no longer 5, I am no longer the child he could intimidate. No longer the teen he would scream at and manipulate.
I am my own woman. I am a wife, a mother, a friend.
Each day, I pray that we break the cycle of abuse.
Ethan will have better.
I am bringing up my boundary of no contact. Chopping out the toxic, rubbing in the salt. In time, healing will come.
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3 comments:
I admire your strength and maturity. Your son does deserve better, and while I don't know the history of your relationship with your dad, cutting ties with family is hard but sometimes necessary. Good for you for sticking to your boundaries!
I echo Christine's comments: you're very mature. I don't know your Dad or what your relationship was/is like but I hope that one day he will have the opportunity to see the next generation of his family, and be willing to do what it takes to make that happen.
I'm coming to the realization that those pretty images of "family" that society feeds us are idealized at best and so much can lurk beneath the surface. It's heartbreaking though when you have to deal with the fallout of an unexpected shift in the family dynamic.
Thank you ladies. I pray that he realizes what he lost and works hard to get healthy. Only then will we let him back in.maturity unfortunately is a by product of having to grow up quickly.
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